Author: Sonia Iris Lozada

This week on the Poetic Resurrection Podcast: Nothingness & Numbness. We sometimes interchange these terms with how we feel, but they are different. Nothingness is a term in philosophy that is of a higher power (In existentialism, the void is associated with the belief that nothing structures existence. Within this theoretical framework, the nothingness or meaninglessness of human existence is thought to be the primary cause of existential anxiety or anguish. APA Dictionary)

I’ve spoken with several people and they have informed me of their feelings of numbness. “There have been moments in my life when I’ve become numb to certain aspects of myself that I found frightening. Or I’ve conformed to certain morals of society and then maybe rebelled or found a way out.” Jessie Buckley. The pandemic has caused much concern about mental health and there are various local agencies that offer help during this time. I have gone through this numbness. In spiritualism, we can view nothingness as positive as a higher existence. (The Indian Vedas say that ‘nothingness’ is the ultimate source of knowledge—the final human frontier beyond which nothing else remains to be known. According to the scriptures, nothingness forms the chassis of ‘somethingness’ in its most subtle form. NatureAsia.com).

I find when I go through a period of numbness is when I’ve been overwhelmed by emotions or situations and then the overload makes me feel numb. Coming out of this numbness, I feel a perception/belief has changed. Usually for the better. Situations, titles, and possessions, whichever might be the cause of numbness, are not as important anymore. I then wonder why I have given these things so much of my personal power. Is it what society, cultural beliefs expect from me? I’ve searched the internet for this and couldn’t find any information about what happens after the stage of numbness, except for referrals to therapy. I guess this is such a personal journey that only a therapist or clergy can understand what an individual is going through. I believe in helping ourselves with mind, body, and spirit. That includes therapy.

How do you seek help when there’s a feeling of emptiness/numbness? We’re human and we will feel empty for many reasons. A loss of a person, dream, or a change in lifestyle. How do we handle this when you don’t care one way or another? When forcing yourself to take a walk is a chore and you don’t want to do anything? These are questions I’ve asked myself. Is it depression, anxiety, worry? Maybe you’ve also asked yourself these questions. Sorry to say, I don’t have an answer. I could just tell you what I’ve done. I meditated and went to therapy. Meditation might not be for everyone. Prayer might help. “If prayer is you talking to God, then intuition is God talking to you.” Wayne Dyer. Whatever is your belief, work with it during this time. When I first meditated, my to-do list was all that I kept seeing or what I could or should have done. Should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve are not action words. In meditation, I’ve learned to see myself in a safe place-the forest, beach, meadow, my home. This has helped me not focus on my what-ifs and to-do list.

Know that you have value and you’re good enough. We are all at various stages in life. If you need help, ask for help. You’re worth it. A quote from Rumi “Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”

I’ve listed links in the notes regarding various articles on this subject.

The poem for this week is: Time Passes from Inspire Me: Raw.

Sun caresses
Rosy hues
I flourish
Breeze prunes

Exposed and cleansed
Past stripped away
Layers erode
Float down

Chimes of time
Naked in the wind
Grasp reflections
Petals float

Rain overcomes
Only a fraction stays
A stem with leaves
One last rosehip – drops

Peaceful in the dust
Awakening
Sun caresses
New sprout
Rebirth from past

Many blessings.

Music: Drifting @ 432 Hz by Unicorn Heads

https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/stress-coping/cope-with-stress/index.html

https://dictionary.apa.org

https://psychcentral.com/depression/i-feel-nothing-emotional-numbness#causes

https://www.healthline.com/health/feeling-numb#causes

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-blunting#takeaway

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/emptiness

https://lonerwolf.com/emotional-numbness/

This week on the Poetic Resurrection Podcast we have poet/actor Jasmine Di Angelo. We discuss and she reads her poem “Halves of Halves”. The poem reflects on being multicultural from Denmark and coming to Los Angeles at a young age. Check out this unique discussion on identity and acceptance.

Jasmine was born along the North Sea and learned how to walk under a Scandinavian sun (aka Denmark). She then made a quick, twenty-year pit stop in Los Angeles where she was raised acting on sound stages, in casting offices and sparring boys at her parents’ Taekwondo studio. Once baked until golden brown in the heat of the San Fernando Valley, she headed east and is now proud to call herself a New Yorker.

Jasmine has been writing poetry since age 11 and is the author of a one-woman play called S.T.A.T. (or, Stop Talking About That). Currently, she is compiling her first book of poetry to be released in late 2022. Jasmine also posts stories on her blog at jasdiangelo.com. Instagram: @jasdiangelo

“Halves of Halves”

Hum hum
Where are you from?
Stay out of the sun, stay out of the sun.
Small feet stretch and leap
From Nordic flatland to Californian heat.

Hum hum
Where are you from?
Strange sounds folded my tongue
Into halves of halves, splintered DNA wide
So I don’t look how I feel inside.

Hum hum
Where are you from?
Where there’s hygge and chocolate pastry with rum
Black licorice whiplash made syllables unsweet
And my soft consonants were rounded with concrete.

Hum hum
Where are you from?
A deep weaving of words came loose and undone
Replaced by hard R’s and confused faces
And all the wrong checkboxes naming all the wrong places.

Hum hum
Where are you from?
She gave him a daughter, but he wanted a son
Kicking and punching and dancing and screaming –
Multicolored horrors printed in all my dreaming.

Hum hum
Where are you from?
My skin is adjacent but cannot fully become
The flags in my cells, the spice in my blood
Many shades of soil heavy with flood.

I go slipping in the mud —

And my hands and feet won’t plant because
I am from everywhere and nowhere
Crossing bloodlines and flood lines
And lies
And lines and lies and lines
Pressed in the corners of my parents’ eyes.

The forward pitch
The needle stitch
Wove countries and more countries together which
Bent themselves into the shape of my body
Tucked cultures into the ridges of my irises–browned
Identity at once lost and found.

And in the mixing there was
Erasing
And in the erasing
Came something new
Brilliant in its Namelessness.

Hum hum
What are you?
And who are you from?
Someplace suspended between the moon
And the sun
Where freckles stretch footprints across the bridge of my nose
Where a new color quietly grows
Where many faces merge into one
And languages lay languid under my tongue

2022 © Jasmine Di Angelo