And Then Mom Calls

Since I’ve been dieting forever it seems until I got over it and accepted myself. I was always on some diet. This is the Cabbage Soup Diet which you’re informed you’ll lose weight quickly. My mom ends up calling me in the midst of the diet and for a diet junky like I was I had to try it – until….check out the poem for the why.

AND THEN MOM CALLS

Child on a diet – teenage years
“Cabbage Soup Diet”
Lose five in three days. Great!
Cabbage, chicken stock, onions and spices.

Three days no protein — too long
Shaking like wind on fruit tree
Not a meat-eater, beans tasty
Make my soup.  Turned out good

Large bowl—next day
Two pounds less. Yeah!!!
Bloated, but it’s cabbage
Stomach agitates like an old washer

Stuck out to there—excruciating gas.
Holding a can of air-freshener
Spray, spray and spray some more
Sounds like a balloon losing air

Mom’s radar knows when to call
“Sonia como esta?” Pain!
“Yo no sé porque tú siempre está a dieta,
Tú te ve bien”

Need to lose weight – camera adds pounds
“Yo no se porque. Gente en la televisión son feo,
y tú no eres fea”.
They’re character actors, mom.

Need not be pretty.  Tummy hurts.
“Que te pasa, tiene Mal de Peo”.
Yes, farts.
I gotta go.  ¡Bendición!

“Que Dios te bendiga
y que te traga suerte”.
Thanks, mom – love you.
Love you too, bye.