Prioritizing and Promises. This past weekend, I had everything planned. I was going to organize my guest/craft room by taking everything out and only keep what I will actually use and need. I woke up early on Saturday and then realized that I had an audition self-tape. On Friday, I remember replying to my agent that I will look at the sides for this TV show. Something was nagging at me to look at the sides in the morning. I figured I would clean the room then spend the rest of the day reviewing them. Didn’t realize this was an important audition and merited much of my weekend.
I like to memorize my sides (script section) because it makes it easier to perform. As I read the breakdown and reviewed the sides, I realized I needed a coach and a reader to help me learn the lines. Saturday was gone and even though I spent most of the day learning lines, they wouldn’t stick. After making a list and prioritizing what I needed to do, I saw the problem with memorizing my lines.
I just couldn’t get away from breaking a promise to myself, YET AGAIN. The truth is housework will always be there. My sister pointed that out to me and she’s correct. I had a great opportunity to work on a funny script. I asked a friend if she knew anyone who’s a coach and can help me with the lines. She did. I set an appointment and headed to Ojai with my friend for the day. Well, at least I thought it would be for about three or four hours, but no, it was the day.
The coach was great. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s also a stage director and had brilliant advice on the character. We were able to record it there. I am grateful to him and my friend who, by the way, drove.
The fact that I actually hesitated to stop everything I was doing to delay this great opportunity surprised me. Why would I do that? I dream of opportunities like this. Was it fear? Was it not feeling that I’m good enough?
Louise Jackson states: “We often have opposing desires, feelings, beliefs, and ideas. These can create internal conflicts and struggles that mean clashing forces feel like they’re fighting each other inside your brain. And expecting dramatic change overnight is incredibly stressful. …Trying to do too much at once makes you way more likely to break your promises to yourself.”
Yes, this was me. I had opposing desires and ideas. I rather be working on my creative endeavors, acting, writing and my podcast, yet, I like calmness. For me, calmness comes from a clean and organized home. I’ve started so many projects around the house only to leave them partially finished. I’ve worked on all my creative projects, just not the chores.
“Think about this same scenario, but played out in your relationship with yourself. You break your promises so many times you can start to doubt yourself. Even if your intentions to change are good and pure, it can be difficult to change because you lost credibility with yourself.” Ayodeji Awosika
So, what to do? I left the housework behind and decided not to beat myself up. Maybe I set too large an expectation. I then learned the script lines, got coached and recorded my self-tape. I understand that the biggest hurdle I had was that I didn’t want to once again break a promise to myself. I learned to practice self-kindness and to acknowledge that I might have perceptions (ideas) for the day, but life happens and there are gifts in the unpredictability of it.
So, I’m taking my sister’s advice and I’m spending an hour or less on clearing the guest room every day until it’s done.
Be kind to yourself. Understand life happens and many blessings.