Month: July 2022

Self-forgiveness

“Forgiving yourself means letting go of the feelings and emotions associated with what went wrong. You let go of any resentment or anger. It may be easier to do this when forgiving others, but many find it hard to do this for themselves.” Betterhelp.com.

What causes us to prolong self-forgiveness? Why is it easier to forgive another–and yet, difficult to forgive ourselves? Can we find joy in the chaos? Is it our anger, bitterness, and stubbornness? When these feelings are felt, it’s a sign for us to forgive–ourselves or others.

Focus on the emotions. It’s a process of learning to forgive ourselves. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand why we feel a certain way. Is it part of our story or experiences? Understanding how we feel is opening a door to forgiveness.

I practice mirror work. If I can look at myself as I state my mistake/misunderstanding, I can move on. This is difficult because we don’t want to feel at fault or vulnerable. Yet, vulnerability is strength.

I write feelings/emotions down when I find them challenging to accept. Journaling or my pros & cons list goes something like this example.

1. Why do I feel this way? Then I list the pros & cons.
   1. Pro: They needed to hear how they made me feel.
   2. Pro: I felt empowered for the moment.
   3. Con: I hurt them more than I imagined.
   4. Con: I responded too strongly to what the situation merited.
2. Another method is I write a letter to myself using handwriting. Not a computer/phone or any electronic means. I address the wounded child within me. Can I forgive that child? Sometimes, it takes several letters before I can see the truth within myself. Practicing kindness to myself can lead to letting go and eventually joy.

We’ve all heard that we are our worst critics and we can be. For me, it’s the constant repetition of the situation. It repeats the many scenarios that could have happened. Could’ve, Should’ve, and would’ve are not our friends. It can take us down a rabbit hole which I have found to cause anxiety over a situation that might happen.

I ask myself what caused the breaking point? Was I too tired? Not enough sleep? Not feeling well? Did they push my buttons when I needed support? I’ve learned the hard way to bite my tongue because I came from the philosophy that honesty is the best policy. What I have learned is that it is not. Kindness is the best policy because honesty is just an opinion. One person’s truth is not mine and vice versa.

I have found that just pulling off the bandage and apologizing and making amends is best for me. What can you do to fix the situation? Be sincere in the apology. Know we might not remedy the circumstances, but understand that we all make mistakes and we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. I’ve had a situation where I was wronged. They never apologized and even though I have forgiven them, the relationship changed. There was a loss, and I realized my part was my perceptions were not in line with the truth of our relationship. I needed to be responsible for my beliefs. What part have you had in a relationship? Was it your perceptions? Were your needs not being met? Were your needs in alignment with theirs? Expectations of others can lead to misunderstandings. Expect what is true and forgive yourself when your perceived needs are not met. Self-forgiveness is a learning process and the sooner we learn the process, the calmer and faster we can move on.

“Choosing to forgive ourselves is a great act of compassion. Our compassion towards ourselves will radiate out into the world towards others. You will experience peace, joy, and humility. Your vibrational energy will rise. There are so many benefits to Self-Forgiveness.  I have come to learn that healing is truly from the inside out.” Belinda Haverdill from Spiral Path.

There’s a list of various in-depth articles that can help in your journey to self-forgiveness in the notes.

The poem for this week is: Alliance from The Inspire Me Series: Book 1 & 2 and will appear in my upcoming book. Inspire Me: Awakening Dreams. This poem also appeared in the June podcast under expectations.

Alliance

Sometimes my essence aches because of the many adventures and events others have had without a mention, and I wasn’t there. Is it me? Is the perception of what they sense I am determining my behavior, my thoughts? We spoke of holiday two summers long set for the third. The third visit around the sun and I asked when are we going? I don’t know, was the answer. Facing the truth—via social media as I view the celebratory drink in hand with another. Visiting the places of visual beauty, of distant land we planned. Why not explain? Why falsehood? A sadness took over me. Was it them? Was it me? Was it my perceptions of childhood memories that stood in the way of the truth? A truth that hasn’t existed in decades. A long ago feeling attached to a person whom I’ve surrendered my alliance. Taking responsibility for my emotions as I breathe and let go. Let go of my ideas of the past. Do I blame them? No, I’m accountable for my beliefs. Will we plan again No. Our characters detached the blinders I wore since childhood. Abandoning my memories and allowing myself permission to move on.

Many blessings.

Follow me at: https://poeticresurrection.com/

Podcast: https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/awakening-dreams-expectations/

Helpful links:

https://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/practices/alphabet/view/11/forgiveness

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-forgive-yourself#3.-Think-of-each-mistake-as-a-learning-experience

https://www.lifehack.org/837308/self-forgiveness

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/self-esteem/what-is-self-forgiveness-and-why-is-it-important-to-your-mental-health/

https://positivepsychology.com/self-forgiveness/

https://www.spiralpathhealingartscenter.com/post/self-forgiveness-as-a-spiritual-practice

https://www.oprah.com/inspiration/deepak-chopra-how-to-forgive-yourself_2

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_healthy_way_to_forgive_yourself

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes

https://www.theforgivenessproject.com/

Music: Passing Time by Kevin Macleod