Category: Poetry

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Life with Jeanette Yoffe

Jeanette YoffeJeanette Yoffe is the guest this month on the Poetic Resurrection Podcast. We discuss her life as an adoptee, her solo show, we laugh and get emotional in this episode. Tune in to hear this amazing woman enlighten us about adoption. November is adoption month in the USA.

Jeanette Yoffe, M.A., M.F.T. earned her Master’s in Clinical Psychology, specializing in children, from Antioch University in June 2002. She treats children with serious psychological problems secondary to histories of abuse, neglect, and/or multiple placements. She has specialized for the past 20 years in the treatment of children who manifest serious deficits in their emotional, cognitive, and behavioral development.

As the Clinical Director of Yoffe Therapy Inc. A mental health center in Los Angeles providing services to families, children, teens, and adults connected by foster care and adoption. Learn more here.

Jeanette’s desire to become a child therapist, focusing specially on adoption and foster care issues, derived from her own experience of being adopted and moving through the foster care system. Her personal experience has informed her education and provided insight into the unique stresses involved with these issues.

For more info visit JeanetteYoffe.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanetteyoffe/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeanetteyoffe/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JeanetteYoffe

These books are available on Amazon and Audible.

What’s Your Name, Who’s Your Daddy?
What’s Your Name, Who’s Your Daddy? Audible
What is Adoption?
What is Foster Care?
Working with Traumatized Children, Teens and Families in Foster Care and Adoption

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Life and Helplessness

Life and HelplessnessWhy do we feel helpless? What causes helplessness? I’m usually independent but currently what makes me feel helpless is the state of the world. I know I can’t change the world by myself. But I can do something big or small to help the community. So, how can I give back? One way I give back is with this podcast. I search for topics that can help the listener ask introspective questions. The only one that has the answers to those questions would be the person asking them. I sometimes get those ah-ha moments, and I might have asked myself the same question many times. Sometimes, it’s just the phrasing of the question. The Cambridge Dictionary defines helplessness as: The feeling or state of being unable to do anything to help yourself of anyone else.

GoodTherapy.org: Feelings of helplessness can be fueled by trauma, grief, stress, mental health conditions, isolation, and many other factors.

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” F Scott Fitzgerald.

“It takes courage to grieve, to honor the pain we carry. We can grieve in tears or in meditative silence, in prayer or in song. In touching the pain of recent and long-held griefs, we come face to face with our genuine human vulnerability, with helplessness and hopelessness. These are the storm clouds of the heart.” Jack Kornfield

“One of the biggest defects in life is the inability to ask for help.” Robert Kiyosaki

Asking for help is difficult, especially when you don’t know what to ask for. You just need help. I have found myself in this dilemma many times. Sometimes, just stating you need help will let others know you need help. I was once told when I asked for help that I surprised them because I needed help, since I usually look like I can do it all. I can’t, it isn’t possible.

A few suggestions I’ve tried on asking for help.

  1. Talk to someone you trust.
  2. Write it down. I wrote several books of poetry to get through my emotions.
  3. Meditation helped me be clearer minded, so that I can ask for what I needed.
  4. Always be kind to yourself. You are valuable. Know your worth.

The poem for this week is Frozen from Inspire Me: Raw and also in the compilation book Inspire Me Series: Book 1 and 2.

FROZEN

Sitting on a stoop in a barrio of Chicago
Summertime and everyone’s outside
Escaping sweltering heat from
Un-air-conditioned apartments

Everyone vocalizes in Spanish accents
Puerto Rican, Mexican—some Gypsies too
It’s Bucktown in the sixties

No attention to their surroundings
Cars breezing by—open windows
Giving relief to drivers

A two-year-old
Trotting down the sidewalk—Mom unaware

He steps out onto the street
Pounding heart—can’t speak!

I see, but no words
Feel guilty, but can’t move
He walks and hits side of moving car
Is thrown into the gutter
His mom screams, but he’s okay
Life continues. Reliving that moment…

I did nothing. I froze.

Many Blessings

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/helplessness

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Awakening Dreams Self-Forgiveness

Self ForgivenessSelf-forgiveness

“Forgiving yourself means letting go of the feelings and emotions associated with what went wrong. You let go of any resentment or anger. It may be easier to do this when forgiving others, but many find it hard to do this for themselves.” Betterhelp.com.

What causes us to prolong self-forgiveness? Why is it easier to forgive another–and yet, difficult to forgive ourselves? Can we find joy in the chaos? Is it our anger, bitterness, and stubbornness? When these feelings are felt, it’s a sign for us to forgive–ourselves or others.

Focus on the emotions. It’s a process of learning to forgive ourselves. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand why we feel a certain way. Is it part of our story or experiences? Understanding how we feel is opening a door to forgiveness.

I practice mirror work. If I can look at myself as I state my mistake/misunderstanding, I can move on. This is difficult because we don’t want to feel at fault or vulnerable. Yet, vulnerability is strength.

I write feelings/emotions down when I find them challenging to accept. Journaling or my pros & cons list goes something like this example.

  1. Why do I feel this way? Then I list the pros & cons.
    1. Pro: They needed to hear how they made me feel.
    2. Pro: I felt empowered for the moment.
    3. Con: I hurt them more than I imagined.
    4. Con: I responded too strongly to what the situation merited.
  2. Another method is I write a letter to myself using handwriting. Not a computer/phone or any electronic means. I address the wounded child within me. Can I forgive that child? Sometimes, it takes several letters before I can see the truth within myself. Practicing kindness to myself can lead to letting go and eventually joy.

We’ve all heard that we are our worst critics and we can be. For me, it’s the constant repetition of the situation. It repeats the many scenarios that could have happened. Could’ve, Should’ve, and would’ve are not our friends. It can take us down a rabbit hole which I have found to cause anxiety over a situation that might happen.

I ask myself what caused the breaking point? Was I too tired? Not enough sleep? Not feeling well? Did they push my buttons when I needed support? I’ve learned the hard way to bite my tongue because I came from the philosophy that honesty is the best policy. What I have learned is that it is not. Kindness is the best policy because honesty is just an opinion. One person’s truth is not mine and vice versa.

I have found that just pulling off the bandage and apologizing and making amends is best for me. What can you do to fix the situation? Be sincere in the apology. Know we might not remedy the circumstances, but understand that we all make mistakes and we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. I’ve had a situation where I was wronged. They never apologized and even though I have forgiven them, the relationship changed. There was a loss, and I realized my part was my perceptions were not in line with the truth of our relationship. I needed to be responsible for my beliefs. What part have you had in a relationship? Was it your perceptions? Were your needs not being met? Were your needs in alignment with theirs? Expectations of others can lead to misunderstandings. Expect what is true and forgive yourself when your perceived needs are not met. Self-forgiveness is a learning process and the sooner we learn the process, the calmer and faster we can move on.

“Choosing to forgive ourselves is a great act of compassion. Our compassion towards ourselves will radiate out into the world towards others. You will experience peace, joy, and humility. Your vibrational energy will rise. There are so many benefits to Self-Forgiveness.  I have come to learn that healing is truly from the inside out.” Belinda Haverdill from Spiral Path.

There’s a list of various in-depth articles that can help in your journey to self-forgiveness in the notes.

The poem for this week is: Alliance from The Inspire Me Series: Book 1 & 2 and will appear in my upcoming book. Inspire Me: Awakening Dreams. This poem also appeared in the June podcast under expectations.

Alliance

Sometimes my essence aches because of the many adventures and events others have had without a mention, and I wasn’t there. Is it me? Is the perception of what they sense I am determining my behavior, my thoughts? We spoke of holiday two summers long set for the third. The third visit around the sun and I asked when are we going? I don’t know, was the answer. Facing the truth—via social media as I view the celebratory drink in hand with another. Visiting the places of visual beauty, of distant land we planned. Why not explain? Why falsehood? A sadness took over me. Was it them? Was it me? Was it my perceptions of childhood memories that stood in the way of the truth? A truth that hasn’t existed in decades. A long ago feeling attached to a person whom I’ve surrendered my alliance. Taking responsibility for my emotions as I breathe and let go. Let go of my ideas of the past. Do I blame them? No, I’m accountable for my beliefs. Will we plan again No. Our characters detached the blinders I wore since childhood. Abandoning my memories and allowing myself permission to move on.

Many blessings.

Follow me at: https://poeticresurrection.com/

Podcast: https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/awakening-dreams-expectations/

Helpful links:

https://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/practices/alphabet/view/11/forgiveness

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-forgive-yourself#3.-Think-of-each-mistake-as-a-learning-experience

https://www.lifehack.org/837308/self-forgiveness

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/self-esteem/what-is-self-forgiveness-and-why-is-it-important-to-your-mental-health/

https://positivepsychology.com/self-forgiveness/

https://www.spiralpathhealingartscenter.com/post/self-forgiveness-as-a-spiritual-practice

https://www.oprah.com/inspiration/deepak-chopra-how-to-forgive-yourself_2

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_healthy_way_to_forgive_yourself

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes

https://www.theforgivenessproject.com/

Music: Passing Time by Kevin Macleod

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Awakening Dreams – Diana Rosen

In this week’s Awakening Dreams episode, we talk with Diana Rosen. We learn about her writing history from a journalist and non-fiction writer to a poet.  She has a fascinating history. She reads three poems and two are listed below. Bus Stop Story and Nectarines It’s a Heckuva Fruit!

Diana Rosen is an essayist, poet, and flash writer with credits in online and print journals here in the U.S., Australia, U.K., Canada, and India, including Existere.Ariel Chart, Rattle, and As It Ought to Be Magazine. She is also the author of ten nonfiction books and co-author of three others. She currently contributes content on food and beverage to various websites, and just released her first full-length poetry book, High Stakes & Expectations from the Tiny Publisher. Diana lives in Los Angeles where her backyard is the 4000+ acre Griffith Park, the largest urban green space in the country. To read more of her work, visit www.authory.com/dianarosen. To purchase her book visit www.thetinypublisher.com/shop

Bus Stop Story

The first thing I notice is the fine line of beard outlining his strong chin up to the side of his shiny bald pate. He walks restlessly, rubbing a forefinger along his left temple. Next to me another man poses the usual bus stop questions: Has the Number 50 come? You been waiting long? You work around here? The sound! The sound! Searing right through me it starts like a hum then goes higher, louder, from ah ah ah ah to AYE AYE AYE AYE, the man with the fine line beard flails his arms like a bird ready to soar, whirls and whirls then falls into the street like a boulder tumbling down the side of a mountain. The questioner and I rush to him. Still flailing, his right-hand clenches my left wrist like a crushing vise. We turn them over on their sides now, the questioner says calmly, his cigarette dangling from his matter-of-fact mouth, no more putting sticks in their mouths to hold down the tongue. As we roll the man onto his side, his hand drops heavily from mine, his huge shaking body becomes quiet. I’ve called the paramedics someone else says, they’ll be here soon, and with that, the chartreuse truck rolls up and medics step out, into their official roles. The Number 50 arrives and I climb aboard. The questioner remains with the epileptic. I can’t shake the sound or the feel of his grip. A few weeks later, the man with the fine line beard is back at my stop. I rub my left wrist. Our eyes do not meet.

NECTARINES IT’S A HECKUVA FRUIT!

Juicy warm, broiled with goat cheese and honey,
a must to bring my dad just to hear him laugh,
recite again from his favorite Carl-Reiner-Mel Brooks
recording, with the 2000-year-old man, velvet caped
and gravelly-voiced, who reveals he once dated
Joan of Arc, married hundreds of times, had 42,000
children and not one came to visit!

I don’t care. But they could send a note, write, “Howya, Pop!
 
True, Dad didn’t date Joan of Arc, but he did date
Pearl, his memories kept in the thick album
Of Kodak black and whites with curvy edges slotted
Into triangle, black corner holders pasted on dull
Cream pages, captioned, “Me and Pearl!” or, “Pearl
And Me” or, my favorite, “Guess Who?”

That Mom had no compunction about this totem
Of his life before us said a lot about their marriage
‘til death did part them. My stepmother helped Dad
buy a new suit and tie to meet Pearl and her husband
for lunch following her surprise call. You know what
happened. Civil conversation. The ride home longer
than to the restaurant, the scrapbook returned
to the shelf. Dad didn’t even reach a century much
less two millennia yet to the end, smiled to see another
fuzz-less peach, sweet nectar of summer, its smooth
skin not unlike Dad’s with its signature blush of red.

I still miss our calls.

What’s the secret to your long life? Reiner asks.
Nectarines! I love that fruit. It’s a heckuva fruit!

Listen to the episode on our website or Podbean or your favorite podcast platform.

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Women’s History Month – Poets

Women's History Month - PoetsIn finishing Women’s History Month, these accomplished poets have the essence of life and experience. With all the women in this month, I have learned much about them and myself. I am truly grateful to all the women on the podcast. Episode available 3/28/2022.  It is with honor I present

Martina Reisz Newberry does a reading of the poem “Subsequence” from Blues for French Roast with Chicory. We discuss the suffix “ess”, ageism and creativity and how it affects the perceptions of being. Cultural perceptions of age and value are discussed and explored.

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/perceptions-of-being-with-martina-reisz-newberry/

Poet/actor Jasmine Di Angelo reads her poem “Halves of Halves”. The poem reflects on being multicultural from Denmark and coming to Los Angeles at a young age. Check out this unique discussion on identity and acceptance.

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/colors-of-life-jasmine-diangelo/

Los Angeles Poet Laureate Lynne Thompson, we discuss her poem “Invention”, her experiences of being an adoptee. We laugh about rejection letters and go into detail about her journey to becoming the Poet Laureate for the City of Los Angeles. It was great to have previously interviewed her for Poetic Resurrection website, and several books later she is the Poet Laureate of Los Angeles.

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/colors-of-life-lynne-thompson/

Luivette Resto reads her poem Living on Islands Not Found on Maps. How growing up bi-culturally and using Spanglish or as I like to call it “fusion of words”. We had a great time conversing about Puerto Rican culture. I love guests I can laugh with and laugh we did.

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/colors-of-life-luivette-resto/

Until next season, be joyful and kind. Many blessings.

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Colors of Life – Christoph Jenkins

Christoph JenkinsIn honor of Black History Month, we close season three of the Poetic Resurrection Podcast with Christoph Jenkins. Haiku poet and founder of The Poet Life, Christoph Jenkins and I discuss various subjects and learned how poets can have an income from being a poet. Great information for poets on this podcast episode.

Christoph Jenkins, Founder & CEO of The Poet Life, is a poet and entrepreneur. He began writing poetry in grade school and soon found it to be his passion. Running The Poet Life has led him to become an advocate in the community and a builder of the Poetry Industry. His company has three pillars that start with the letter “E”; EDUCATE, ENGAGE, ENTERTAIN. The Poet Life educates through their online university, Poet Life University where they teach poets how to start a poetry career. There is also a non-profit arm called Poet Life Academy where they teach students, K-12, how to express themselves through poetry. Christoph is the host of the Poet Life Podcast where he has conversations with poets around the world who have made major headway in the poetry industry. In addition, The Poet Life host their annual festival called the Poet Life Fest in different cities around the country.

Surround yourself with
People and things that grow you
Either grow or die

Imposter syndrome
Is attempting to play you
It can’t outcast you

If you are dreaming
Without a plan to fulfill
Said dream, keep dreaming

@ThePoetLife

ThePoetLife.com 

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Colors of Life – Teddy A Children’s Story

Colors of Life – Teddy A Children’s Story

Teddy - A Children's StoryA couple of years ago, I was thinking of writing children’s books; I came up with this story called Teddy. I named it after a teddy bear that I’ve had for many years. Not that creative with the name.

Today’s mood I wanted it to be uplifted and have something children can listen to. Self-reflection is always a good thing, but today we’re going to have fun with a simple rhyming children’s story. Enjoy the story of Teddy and his friends. Please let me know what you think in the comments. Have a blessed day.

Teddy bear sits on a chair
Sees me and stares
What will we do today?
Can we go out and play?

Yes, we can, little one
Let’s go out and have some fun
The day is sunny
Teddy says, “I want some honey.”

Walking down a forest path,
Suddenly we hear a splash
“Help me please!” yells the bee
I can’t swim in the sea

Teddy grabs a stick
Bee asks, “Is this a trick?”
“No, grab on, I’m here to help.”
The stick is what the bee held

Out the bee came soaked
The bee dried himself and spoke
“Thank you for saving me
Can I offer you some tea?

“I don’t have any money,
Do you want some honey?”
Yes, I do
For my tea brew

Tea party and all are happy
Time to go home for nappy
The day was fun
Being out in the sun

Thank you, sunshine
For my lunchtime
This beautiful day
In the month of May

https://poeticresurrection.podbean.com/e/colors-of-life-teddy-a-children-s-story/

 

Happy Ukulele Children Party by MusicLFiles
Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/6302-happy-ukulele-children-party
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

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Colors of Life – Grieving Dreams

Grieving DreamsGrieving Dreams is when we review our lives and realize a dream we have pursued so long doesn’t benefit us anymore.

I recorded an episode of my other podcast, Chica and the Man with my co-host Alex Greenwood. We talked about career changes and how it affected us. (Listen to that episode here).

How we grieve when we have pursued a job, career, or a business and gave our heart and soul to it only to have to let it go. We know it’s the right thing to do, but yet there’s this sadness of letting go. We think what-if I could have done more? Where did I go wrong? Was I just not good enough? In reality, I feel the lessons and importance of it have run its course. When we feel this way, it is a form of grieving. We need to address it. As Eleanor Haley from Grieving the Loss of Hopes and Dreams states: When we care deeply about something, it can be difficult to know when to let go. Sometimes our hopes are all we have to keep us getting out of bed in the morning. People always like to say things like, It’s never too late to follow your dreams and many times this is true. When there’s a chance to see your dreams through or there is still joy in the journey, by all means, keep going.

I grieved letting go of acting. There was no more joy in the journey. I knew I couldn’t make a living at it, yet I pursued it for many years. I was in disbelief because I had invested so many years and my soul in it. How can I love acting and the career doesn’t love me back? Nowadays, if it comes my way, I’ll be happy to do it. It’s the pursuit of it I have released. It was heartbreaking and liberating at the same time.

Grief is a normal response to loss during or after a disaster or other traumatic event. Grief can happen in response to loss of life, as well as to drastic changes to daily routines and ways of life that usually bring us comfort and a feeling of stability. Common grief reactions include:

  • Shock, disbelief, or denial
  • Anxiety
  • Distress
  • Anger
  • Periods of sadness
  • Loss of sleep and loss of appetite

CDC on grief and Loss (see link below)

Regardless of the scenario, the loss of hopes and dreams can be incredibly hard to accept and cope with. Eleanor Haley.

Deep listening is the practice of turning toward your feelings and emotions. 

Most of us have the tendency to run away from anything uncomfortable within us. It’s only natural. But numbing, avoiding, and rejecting our pain only makes what we feel larger and ‘scarier’ than it truly is. When we turn toward our pain with curiosity and gentleness, we often find an immediate sense of relief. Aletheia Luna

What I’ve learned through grief is to accept, be kind, and love myself. Life will have its moments, it’s part of living. Learn to ride the beautiful, never-ending passions and gifts of life.

The poem for this week is Quiet from Inspire Me: Perception

Black and white
Chrome bedroom
Reflects silvery gray moods of
The uncharted mind

Incandescent garden lights
Shine through the blinds
Marking lines on face
Stares at the light

Answers from another realm
Beyond our three dimensions
Silence prey’s existence of
Yearning questions

An essence enters
Smoky figure gazes
Into questioning eyes
Serene presence felt

Changing monochrome
Movie of thoughts and dreams
Reflect on cheeks and lips
Grin extends to essence

Crimson smile, blushing face
Sends joy to ashen figure as
Chromatic shades appear and
Smoky image disperses

Lights fade into darkness
REM creating memories of
Longevity with peaceful
Nightfall sleep

Goodnight

 

Music by: Ocean Bliss by Gotama

https://gotama-music.bandcamp.co

https://lonerwolf.com/deep-listening/

https://whatsyourgrief.com/loss-of-hopes-and-dreams/  (Eleanor Haley)

https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/stress-coping/grief-loss/index.html

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

 

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Colors of Life – Yearend 2021

New Year 2022Yearend episode 2021

Here we are at the end of 2021. Another year of the pandemic. When this pandemic started, it was a time to reflect. Reflect, I did and now in the second year–I’d like it to end. I’ve been vaccinated and boosted and, to be honest, I don’t want any more vaccinations, but it’s not about me—it’s about those around me. I want the pandemic to end.

These last two years have been a challenging and trying time. I had a friend die this year of covid. I’ve had a scare with my elderly parents and I’m grateful they’re okay. I feel blessed that everyone and I are healthy. I was hoping the pandemic would have ended with herd immunity, but we never got to the 70% vaccinated to have that occur. I wish I had an answer to what is happening; I don’t think anyone knows.

My year in review.

I started a second podcast called Chica and the Man with podcaster and friend Alex Greenwood of the Mysterious Goings On podcast. It’s so much fun to just talk about anything that comes to mind. The subtitle of Chica and the Man is As Unscripted as it Gets. It’s different from the Poetic Resurrection podcast. Doing this podcast has been slow in editing as my computer crashed and it’s taken me about a month to retrieve my information. I was shocked but can’t complain the computer lasted seven years.

I’m on vacation now and I’m working on my fourth book—Inspire Me: In Time of Need, still. I have a new editor; Ruben Rodriguez and I’m looking forward to the release—early next year. Fingers crossed. I love writing poetry and the last two years have put a slight halt in writing. I guess the pandemic has affected me more than I thought. So many deaths, sending blessings to families for your healing. The dichotomy of this nation and others. This is a world healing time and even though we would like to get back to normal, what is normal anymore?

I’m an avid researcher. I feel exhilarated when I learn a new concept, belief, or skill, and yet I’m exhausted this year. I used to feel I knew what I wanted and now it’s all in question. Do I want to continue acting? I love being on the set, so if it comes up, I’ll be happy to do it. I had two photoshoots this year. One was headshots with Mark Atteberry, which I also use for my podcast, and the other was an artsy shoot with Ken Sawyer. I had a great time doing both. I booked a print job and have auditioned for many shows.

Poetry, another passion of mine since childhood, still exists but it’s changed what I want to write. I’ve gone from writing about acceptance and life to a surreal style. A style I find challenging to write since the reader needs to visualize and understand it.

The Poetic Resurrection Podcast has reached over fifty episodes and has over 1500 downloads and as Alex Greenwood informed me, that’s fantastic for a podcast without an advertising budget. I’m on season three of the podcast and I want to say thank you to all the guests for honoring me with your presence and knowledge.

I meditate every day and decided to become a teacher on the Insight Timer app I have talks and meditations.

The poem for this week is Love and Blessings, recorded in 2020 and is available to see and hear on YouTube. It’s from my upcoming book Inspire Me: In Time of Need.

When thoughts
Overwhelm your being
Send love

When worrying about the family
And wanting to care for them
Send love

When sleep evades
When thoughts repeat
Send love

When finances diminish
And needs remain unmet
Send love

When feeling defeated
When feeling alone
Send love

When feeling fear
That life isn’t fair
Send love

Sending love
Doesn’t cost anything
Sending love
Brings us to the present

Happy New Year–love and blessings.

Music by: Bensound.com
Song: Love

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Colors of Life – Luivette Resto, poet

poet: Luivette RestoThis week on Poetic Resurrection we have the Puerto Rican poet Luivette Resto. We discuss her poem Living on Islands Not Found on Maps. How growing up bi-culturally and using Spanglish or as I like to call it “fusion of words”.  We had a great time conversing about Puerto Rican culture. I love guests I can laugh with and laugh we did.

Luivette Resto was born in Aguas Buenas, Puerto Rico, but proudly raised in the Bronx. Her two books of poetry, Unfinished Portrait, and Ascension were published by Tía Chucha Press. Her third collection of poetry is from FlowerSong Press.

Living on Islands Not Found on Maps
I live on an island not found on maps. Growing up in the shadows of one of the most popular surnames: García. I speak Spanish to my abuela on Sundays but rely on Google to help my children with their homework because the accent rules never stuck. Stress or unstress? Penultimate syllable? Took the paradoxical college course: Spanish for Bilinguals where every Tuesday Prof. Cruz de Jesús would shake his head with indignation at my use of the familiar tú versus usted. No me conoce, he said. He was right. He didn’t know me and I didn’t know him or the proper word for bus or orange juice. What I did know is summers in Puerto Rico, eating quenepas as relatives asked, ¿No entiendes lo que dijo tu primo? And my abuela defending my tongue. This tongue. Colonized not once but twice. Leaving me isolated at family reunions.
Feeling inadequate for my inability to conjugate on command. Sounding out store front signs while riding the #42 bus on the way home from Kindergarten where I concentrated to understand Mrs. Farrell’s lessons about the seasons. But I finally found a home between Bronx bodega aisles, code switching with my homegirls about how many times Juana beepeó that boy we saw
standing in front of él building. This became the island where I belonged. Unfettered and absent of red pen corrections. Juana didn’t care if I used the tú or the usted or if my yo was about me or an emphatic reaction to her crazy story. This island didn’t care if I rolled my r’s or ever got the purpose of vosotros. An island where our bodies translated feelings: pursed lips, a raised brow, an aggressive eye or neck roll. We were bilingual neologists, inventing new lands we could carry in our Timbs and bubble coats. Here, language, like us, wasn’t disappointing or broken.

“Living on Islands Not Found on Maps”
first published on The University of Arizona Poetry Center’s website
Nov. 2020. Reprinted by permission Luivette Resto

https://www.luivette.com/

Listen to the podcast on our PR Podcast page or at Podbean

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Ascension: https://amzn.to/3qgOzpK

Unfinished Portrait: https://amzn.to/3H60aPv